Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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