Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
