the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
