I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My ass is underappreciated
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
