Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
