Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
