Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
