I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
