i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
