You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
