Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
