So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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