you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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