I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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