I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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