You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
