What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
