Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
