he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
