You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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