so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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