Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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