If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
