I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
operation have a gay friend backfired
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
