promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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