i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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