My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
