Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
