just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dick very happy bro
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
