i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
