so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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