Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
