Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
