You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
