i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
