considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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