there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize