that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
