As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
