Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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