Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
