i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
please come you make the beer taste better
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
