He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
