so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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