She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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