she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize