i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is the high leading the old right now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
