my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
