Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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