i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
