come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
