why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
