Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
