Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
