How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
