9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i now understand why vodka
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