Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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