i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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