I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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