Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
