So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
