Plan B is the new Plan A
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
