i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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