Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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