You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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