a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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