at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I believe in your delicious
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
