just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
