at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
