Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
