Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
only if we run a train.
done.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
