you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
