Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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